"Many of us were abandoned or neglected by important people in our life. We may have concluded that the reason we weren't loved was because we were unlovable. Blaming ourselves is an understandable reaction, but an inappropriate one."
~ Melody Beattie
Neglect is more harmful than once thought, especially for young children. It comes in the form of disregarding or ignoring a child's needs, whether emotional, physical, or psychological. Being neglected can wreak terrible damage on children's sense of themselves, and therefore on their self-worth and esteem. These under-valued children may carry the baton of neglect into the rest of their lives. Many of us struggled from the supposedly "benign" neglect by our caregivers, which left us feeling shameful about our appearance, bodies, morals, or intelligence. We may heal ourselves from these wounds. But making such a fundamental change in the way we see--or don't see--our true beings requires stopping and taking an inventory of the self-disregard we still tolerate in our lives.
Survey your life: Take a look at your home, car, work environment, wardrobe, relationships, and spiritual state, and see what parts of yourself you may be neglecting. What has become shabby in your surroundings? In your appearance? In your work? Do you settle for neglectful, cavalier relationships with friends or your partner? If you show indifference to yourself, you can expect nothing more from potential lovers, friends, or bosses.
If you're neglecting your primary relationship then that "garden" won't flourish and grow either. So often we assume that once we're in a committed relationship it will sail on automatic pilot seamlessly into the future. Since no one ever put attention or care into them, persons neglected as children may have particular difficulty grasping that living relationships, like living beings, require tending, hard work, and love. Promise yourself to care for your relationship, and for yourself, and put those vows into practice.
DAILY HEALTHY ACTS
- Take a moment to look at your life and consider your most deeply desired vision for the coming year.
- Do the persons and things in your life reflect that vision or are you tolerating scraps?
- Remove all tattered or shabby things in your life and stop neglecting yourself.
CSH - Los Angeles
REF;ECTONS ON EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
"It's common to reject or punish yourself when you've been rejected by others."
~ Christina Enevoldsen
There's a saying that life's rejection is God's protection. It means that every experience is good for us and leads to our true life purpose, even if we can't recognize it at the time. Realize once and for all: We've all felt that sting of rejection! Yet the place where each holds that hurt is one of the biggest secrets we keep. So what's the gift just under the pain we hide to save face?
That gift is our true self. By masking our pain to save face, we actually lose our true face. Feel your rejection. Let the nobility of your honest emotions support you, and resist the temptation to withdraw and nurse your wounds in the darkness of dissociation and denial. The real, living world will nurse you to spiritual health if you let it. Sadly, we often mistake the object of our desire for that whole world, thinking only that object can save us. Trust that if you're feeling the smart of rejection, your ego has mistaken a short-term goal (like dating a particular person or landing a certain job) for your larger life purpose. Short-term goals are great, but if you focus on each bend in your road, you miss the view. Take heart, for even your inability to handle rejection just now must help you fulfill your true purpose or it wouldn't happen.
Sex and romance are prime areas where we experience rejection. But most often, this means we're preoccupied with getting what we want, on taking rather than giving. Open your heart, give unconditionally, and allow life's inevitable rejections to lead you, with sure steps, to the realization of your most secretly treasured dreams.
DAILY HEALTHY ACTS
- Do you realize that everything that happens supports your spiritual growth, and that your sexuality is part of your spiritual growth? Consider those who reject your emerging sexuality. What gifts do they, unwittingly, bring to your life process?
- Think of your last memorable rejection. Write what was spoken as a short script. Appreciate the difficulty of disengaging your ego from its seeming frustration. Now, pretend you are the playwright of this scene, drawing from your life experience to create both parts. How does this scene help each character develop? Let the truth of this answer remain true for you. Today, let it ring.