"Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves."
~ Nathaniel Branden
Judgments can create a wedge in relationships through our own insecurities, and keep us from loving more deeply or at all. Judging can prevent us from exploring our own intimate and sexual limitations because it's easier to diminish the other person than to look at ourselves. In the electric flash of a single thought, we can turn the reality of another to rubble. But hidden in the debris are our own silenced truths. Cultural and familial programming creates false standards that hijack our focus and block us from our greater humanity.
One of the greatest truths we can realize is that everything perceivable is in process. When we judge ourselves and others, we are judging works unfinished. "He's not worthy." "She isn't good enough." "They're on the wrong side." All we think, we convey nonverbally, and our negative judgments only reinforce our prejudiced, narrow-minded positions in a relentless loop. We can't change people, but we can change our judgments through risking intimacy. Each performance, project, gesture expresses the reality of the person who creates it, and the reality of each of us is irrefutably, ipso facto, beyond reproach.
Constant judging is akin to saying "I hurt. I need help." But we rarely offer love and empathy to those who judge. No; we judge them in turn. Yes, sticking to our principles and perceptions is valuable. But our own false judgment, which hinders rather than helps someone's process, is a wholly learned form of psychological abuse. No one should play the role of Higher Power for another. Only when people seek our expertise may we serve the spirit of the wisdom with which we've each been tasked. Ask permission before offering unsolicited advice, and know that internal negative judgments make us lose our connection with true life.
DAILY HEALTHY ACTS
- What recurring judgments do you make about others and about yourself? How are your judgments different from objective evaluations? Whose voice from your past is really speaking through you?
- Know that your judging mind is a product of your past. Today, recognize your judgments for what they are, and let self-love fill the void gnawed out by carried shame. Love yourself and others. See how intimacy creates new reality.