"For all his wisdom, he did not know that love cannot be tested."
~ Gregory David Roberts
It seems most of us test our partners almost instinctively.This unconscious testing differs from taking realistic, conscious measures to gauge a partner's trustworthiness, because the very act of secretly testing trustworthiness is a contradiction, and reveals that you don't in fact trust your partner. Whenever you set up obstacles "just to test" a partner, you're really just setting up obstacles. Even if your lover successfully gets past your obstacles to pass the test, all you have really confirmed is that you've trained your partner to expect and permit obstacles in the relationship.
In fact, when you test others you're actually testing yourself: Do you operate from the viewpoint of the greater good, or from a place of ego and preconception? They say you teach what you most have to learn, and it's also possible that you test what you most fear you will fail. Any test we set for others is steeped in our own subjective doubts. In scientific methodology, this is called "confirmation bias:" the human propensity to accept "information" that confirms what we already believe.
Perhaps life delivers so many tests that we don't have to add our own trick questions. A healthy way to evaluate a partner's trustworthiness might be to observe how s/he responds to life's constant challenges. Another unimpeachable test is to meet one's partner in simplicity, to tolerate intimacy, security and safety with that person, and to build trust together.
DAILY HEALTHY ACTS
You know what you need to do today. Trust yourself to act accordingly.
"Two forces create eternity--a fairy tale and a dream from the fairy tale."
~ Dejan Stojanovic
In fairy tales, love is an ideal, perfect relationship that was destined to be. It's easy to forget the dark conflicts and dangers that fairy tales also present. If fairy tales really dictated our lives, true love would require early abandonment, voluntary isolation, dubious acquaintances, hazardous tests, fatal mistakes, terrifying evil and horrendous sacrifice. Yet most lovers focus only on the tales' perfect happy endings as a template for achieving their hearts' desire.
How much do fairy tales--in all their fantasy facets--inform our lives? Certainly in a deeply psychological manner, fairy tales express universal inner experiences in symbolic language. One message they share is that, regardless of circumstance and appearances, each of us plays out a profoundly meaningful story whose every moment is vital and whose every act has consequences. But this insight doesn't mean we should run to slay the neighborhood dragon or devote our lives to a lover held hostage by another. One of the most dangerous pitfalls of fairy-tale romance is losing our good sense through the misinterpretation of reality... as fairy tales themselves so often tell us!
DAILY HEALTHY ACTS
Seek out real, solid information today. Ask follow-up questions to settle any vagueness in all your relationships.
Find your way out of the maze of misunderstanding to find the amazement in shared values, shared goals, and shared lives.
CSH - Los Angeles