Relational Life Therapy.
This is different.
RLT is not talk therapy. It's a psycho-educational, evidence-based approach that gets to the root of relational patterns — and actually changes them.
A different kind of therapy.
Relational Life Therapy is an approach supported by neuroscience and evidence-based outcomes. It emphasizes the importance of interpersonal relationships and the ways in which our early relationships with caregivers shape our attachment styles and patterns of relating to ourselves and others throughout our lives.
Unlike traditional talk therapy or standard marriage counseling, RLT involves a relational discovery process that brings to light the unsuccessful patterns and stances where couples find themselves stuck — often unconsciously. Then we get to the roots of how those stances came to be.
RLT gets to the heart of the matter.
One of the most influential voices in couples therapy and founder of the Relational Life Institute. Hedy has trained directly with Terry for over 20 years and serves as an RLT Facilitator and Bootcamp Leader.
Us, The New Rules of Marriage, I Don't Want to Talk About It
Not your standard couples therapy.
Aligned with Brain Science
RLT is grounded in neuroscience and how the brain forms relational patterns — not just how we talk about feelings.
Focus on Relationships
The relationship itself is the client — not just one individual's psychology.
Emphasis on Attachment
We explore how your earliest relationships shaped the way you show up with your partner today.
Experiential Techniques
You practice skills during the session itself — not just talk about what you should do differently.
Focus on the Present
We work with what's happening between you right now — while tracing it back to where it came from.
Therapist as Coach
Hedy is active, directive, and involved — not a neutral observer sitting back while you talk in circles.
Breaking the Rules of Traditional Couples Therapy
RLT doesn't treat both partners as equally responsible for all problems. It's honest, direct, and built for real results — not just a safe space to vent.
Skills you'll use for the rest of your life.
The tools to break free from dysfunctional patterns and build healthier, more meaningful relationships.
The ability to assert your needs with love and listen so your partner feels fully heard.
How to work as a team to cultivate lasting intimacy — not just manage conflict.
A deep understanding of your attachment style so you can apply healthier behaviors and strengthen your connection.
The secrets to getting more of what you want — without demanding, withdrawing, or shutting down.
The 5 Losing Strategies.
Most couples cycle through these patterns without realizing it. RLT names them, traces them to their roots, and replaces them with the 5 Winning Strategies.
Needing to Be Right
Winning the argument matters more than repairing the relationship. One person's truth becomes the only truth.
Controlling Your Partner
Trying to manage, fix, or change your partner's behavior, emotions, or responses through force or manipulation.
Unbridled Self-Expression
Saying whatever you feel, whenever you feel it — without skill, compassion, or consideration for impact.
Retaliation
Responding to hurt with hurt. Punishing your partner for what they did instead of asking for what you need.
Withdrawal
Shutting down, stonewalling, or disappearing emotionally when things get hard — leaving your partner alone in the conflict.
See Hedy explain all five
Watch the Losing Strategy videos on Hedy's YouTube channel.
Watch on YouTube →The RLT Essential Skills Bootcamp.
RLT highly recommends couples take the Essential Skills Bootcamp before starting — or alongside — couples therapy for optimal outcomes.
Hedy is a certified RLT Bootcamp Leader, trained directly by Terry Real. The bootcamp is psycho-educational, immersive, and unlike anything most couples have experienced.
Available in-person in Chicago and virtually via Zoom.
Hedy Tan with Terry Real — over 20 years of training together
Nothing is more important in our lives than our relationships. A great relationship boosts your immune system, opens your heart, and keeps you vital and creative.
— Terry Real, Founder of the Relational Life Institute
Ready to try something that actually works?
Book a session with Hedy and experience RLT firsthand — in Chicago, Valparaiso, or virtually worldwide.
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Hedy Tan · CADC, CLC, RLT. PIT, ASAT, AMAT, APTT; CCBRT in training
RLT Facilitator, RLT Bootcamp Leader RLT Certified for Couples RLT is an approach that is supported by neuroscience and evidence – based outcomes. Founded by the long time successful couples, therapist, and author, Terry Real. RLT emphasizes the importance of interpersonal relationships and the ways in which are early relationships with caregivers shape, or attachment, styles, and patterns of relating to ourselves and others throughout our lives. RLT differs from traditional, talk therapy and standard marriage counseling approaches. RLT involves a relational discovery process that brings to light the unsuccessful patterns and stances, where many couples find themselves stuck ; unconsciously. Then we get to the roots of how these stances came to be. RLT gets to the heart of the matter RLT is a form of psycho education / coaching / fellow traveler that emphasizes the importance of interpersonal relationships with caregivers shape our attachment styles and patterns of relating to ourselves and others throughout our lives. Traditional talk therapy, on the other hand, typically focues on exploring and resolving individual psychological issues or symptoms. Hedy’s current practice specializes in Couples (RLT), Individuals, Family of Origin and Couples affected by betrayal. Hedy available in Chicago, Illinois 60610 as well as Valparaiso, Indiana 46385. |
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Some specific differences between RLT and traditional talk therapy:
. Alligned with Brain Science . Focus on Relationships . Emphasis on Attachment . Use of Experiential techniques . Focus on the present moment . Therapist as Coach . Breaking the rules of traditional couples therapy Learn the powerful relational skills to break free from dysfunctional patterns and build healthier, meaningful relationships. Equip yourself with the relational skills to assert your needs with love, listen so your partner feels fully heard, and learn the secrets to getting more of what you want. Learn to work as a team to cultivate lasting intimacy in your relationship. Gain a deep understanding of your prevalent attachment style, so you can apply healthier behaviors in your relationships and strengthen your connection with your partner. |
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Hedy Tan: Certified RLT for Couples and BOOTCAMP facilitator with 35+ years experience
CCRBT in training.
Losing Strategy 1 |
Losing Strategy 2 |
Losing Strategy 3
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